By Odin's Beard
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Either Thor still hasn't learned proper Midguardian conduct or Tony is up to his usual plans of debauchery.
**There are just _no_ words to explain this one...I don't know why I thought of this.**

 **By Odin's Beard** :

"Why exactly am I invited up into the sacred lounge of the Avengers?" came Maria Hill's voice as she stepped off the elevator.

Tony snickered as he sat at the bar with Pepper on one of the bar stools, "I was required to have at least two witnesses for what's about to happen. Since I'm such a doting significant other, Pepper gets to be witness number one and I do expect a very good thank you later, just so we're clear. This is a gift most men would be very, _very_ , reluctant to give their girlfriends. Fortunately, I'm quite confident in my own manhood here."

To Pepper's credit, she just gave him a curious little expression but she was clearly too used to his antics to wonder too much, "Well, if anything Maria, that means this should be at least a little interesting."

"Let's hope, if it's not I'm going to want a raise..." Maria stated as she took the open stool beside Pepper and accepted the beer bottle Tony handed her. "So," she began before she took a sip of the beer, "what's the reason I'm your second witness? You've made it perfectly clear you need female perspective at this rate but Natasha was probably closer than the lobby."

Tony grinned, "That's simple, Romanoff is the reason I needed witnesses. I bet the other guys a hundred bucks each that there was no way she could keep up that taciturn little facade she does with her expression with what I have planned. Rules are that the raising of her signature eyebrow or trademark little head tilt don't count as a response."

"Okay, now I'm interested," Maria admitted.

Pepper just gave him one of her rather pointed expressions but clearly they were both more than a little curious. He didn't have to say anything else as the elevator 'dinged', lit up, then opened and revealed the redheaded assassin who had been in question. She was stone-faced as per usual, though he learned that the _very_ slight narrowing of her eyes meant she was just a tad annoyed, probably because he had 'requested' her presence in the lounge. Those natural spy instincts had her eyes almost imperceptibly shifting across the entire room in the bat of an eye and Tony knew it was something no one would notice was happening unless they _knew_ she was doing it. He happened to know she did so each and every time she walked into a room. You learned to notice the little things about people in two years and he had slowly learned to understand the rather unnoticeable changes in her expressions to read how she felt about a particular circumstance, well, some of the time anyways. Natasha Romanoff was the most difficult to decipher of any person he'd ever met.

"Romanoff!" he called out with a grin as he patted the open stool beside him, "I saved you a seat."

Natasha watched as Tony leaned over the bar, scooped a little ice into a glass, and then he poured vodka into the glass and placed it on the counter. She was at least mildly interested once she saw Maria sipping at a beer and Pepper sipping at a glass of wine. She took the seat, lifted the glass, and took a sip of the rather expensive vodka all without saying a word. She allowed the flavor to settle on her tongue and warm it before she actually let the liquid slide down her throat, then she shifted her eyes to Tony's rather smug face before she spoke, "What do you want?"

"I would like all eyes on the elevator, ladies," Tony informed them as he gestured to the aforementioned contraption, "I come baring gifts." Today he was positive he would finally crack the woman who could not be cracked.

Natasha didn't react much as she twirled around with disinterest towards the elevator. Thirty seconds passed with nothing occurring, then a minute, then two minutes. Finally the numbers above began to slowly get lower, counting down towards the lounge they were all located in, and she leaned back with her non-drinking arm against the bar. She could feel all three pairs of eyes on her until the elevator alerted them it reached the floor and she allowed herself another savoring sip of the vodka as the doors opened. She felt all eyes leave her in an instant.

Pepper's little gasp amused her and Natasha quirked a single eyebrow up at what the elevator revealed. She barely shifted her eyes to the side to see that Maria's mouth was slightly agape and her eyes just the tiniest amount wider, while Pepper's face was beet red, all from sheer surprise. Now Natasha shifted her eyes back to the open elevator and she tilted her head to better take in the view as she sipped again at her vodka. Thor stepped out clad only in a towel to hide all of his Asgardian glory, a towel that was ridiculously too small for the God, and then she let her eyes travel down. His blonde hair was damp and dripping a little onto a bare chest, then over the rather impressive and chiseled set of abs, and then those droplets traveled down the left dip line of a well defined 'V' of Thor's lower abdominal region before they were caught by that white towel. She took yet another sip of the vodka as she let her eyes travel back up to his face and he didn't look all that bothered by the crowd that was present.

And though Natasha swore her facial muscles actually twitched while she remained unresponsive to Thor's nakedness, Tony's comment was what almost ruined her flawless and expressionless veneer, "By Odin's beard! Thor, this is improper Midguardian conduct! Put some clothes on, there are ladies present!"

The sheer will it took Natasha to keep herself from laughing and even to hold back from grinning was almost painful, especially given that Thor didn't look even remotely embarrassed by his lack of clothing in front of three women. His comment however, was equally as hilarious as Tony's clear irritation with her lack of reaction, "My apologies to Lady Pepper, Lady Maria and Lady Natasha...but some strange sorcery seems to have kept me from entering any door short of breaking them down, and I feared that would frustrate you...and then your odd Midguardian device that transports through the floors of the building refused to allow me to any floor but this one. Could I get your aid, Stark? While this is not considered odd on Asgard, I understand my lack of garments _is_ a rather ill-advised form of etiquette here on Midguard and I would much prefer to be clothed..."

Out of the corner of Natasha's eye she could see Tony giving up on her while Maria and Pepper hid grins behind their respective drinks. Natasha merely continued to sip at her drink for a few seconds before she commented with a neutral tone of voice, "Are you just going to stare in a distasteful manner, Stark, or are you going to help the man with his rather unique door and wardrobe malfunctions?"

"Dammit..." Tony muttered under his breath. He released a sigh as he hopped off of his stool before heading towards Thor and the elevator. He had failed, plain and simple. If a mostly naked and dripping wet Thor couldn't break the assassin then he was positive that _nothing_ could. "Alright my naked friend, let's go defeat this foul sorcery and get you those drapes," he offered. He nearly clapped him on the shoulder in a friendly gesture but quickly retracted his hand before it could happen when he remembered the Asgardian's lack of clothing.

"Much appreciated, Stark," Thor told him with a grateful grin.

Natasha waited, watching until the elevator door closed, and it wasn't until she felt both Pepper and Maria's eyes on her that she broke. Her lips twitched, she sucked in a breath, and then she snorted out a laugh as she twirled around on the stool and put her glass down. "Good God..." she breathed out.

"How do you _do_ that?!" Pepper questioned in an instant, stunned at the sudden reaction from the other redhead.

Natasha shot her a grin as she managed to get herself back in control to answer, "Pepper, I've been hiding what I think since I was a kid, though I swear that's the first time in years that every muscle of my face twitched to try and keep myself from reacting. I have to give Tony props for that."

"You _knew_ that was going to happen!" Maria accused with sheer amusement.

"I did," Natasha agreed.

" _How_?" both women asked at the same time.

It was only a few seconds later when the elevator opened again and Clint, Steve and Bruce appeared. It was Clint who spoke first, "Ladies! Tell me, did she break or did she keep it together?"

Both of them looked a little stunned but Maria answered, "Single eyebrow raise, but she didn't even bat an eye."

Clint gave a fist pump before he held out a hand to Bruce who gave him a reluctant little high-five and a smirk, all the while Steve just chuckled, smiled and shook his head. Each of the men handed Natasha a fifty dollar bill before getting back on the elevator.

The doors closed and Pepper laughed, "Let me get this straight...they each gave you fifty dollars to hold it together when Thor showed up in a towel?"

"That about sums it up," Natasha agreed with a smirk as she counted the fifties and then tucked them in her pocket.

"They all get fifty and you get a hundred and fifty just to stick it to the man..." Maria shook her head with a half-laugh and half-sigh of disbelief, "I honestly don't think I could have managed what you just did, not even for a thousand dollars."

"I never stood a chance..." Pepper commented with a laugh, "Tony was right, I owe him a thank you."

Natasha snickered, "Please, his thank you is the fact that you're still interested in him after _that_ show and tell." She heard both women laugh, took the final sip of the vodka, then glanced back at Pepper and Maria with a grin, "Stark almost had me. They just don't make 'em like that on Earth."

* * *

 **Hope I got some chuckles on this one! xD**


End file.
